As I look at my life and where I am now, it may seems as if I have less than what I used to have. I used to have tons of friends, now my only friends are the people I talk to at work but never hang out outside of worked because most of them are two or three times my age, are married and have kids. I used to go out to events with my friends, now my mom is the first one I ask to go anywhere with me. I used to have a church family and now I don’t go to a local church at all. I used to be a full time ministry employee, youth ministry leader, young adults ministry leader, praise dancer, short term missionary, etc and now I am a full time admin assistant at an insurance company who also interviews people on the side for a radio show. At one point in my life it seemed as if I had it all. A job, friends, ministry, a full life of all the things that should make you feel whole but…. I was MISERABLE. Absolutely miserable. Looking back at old pictures of me smiling with the people that used to be in my life, all I can see is the misery. Something in me knew I wanted more. There was never a sense of contentment. There was something missing in me to make me feel whole. I was losing myself, my joy, my happiness, my identity. I was LOSING ME. I was trying to figure myself out. I felt ok but so many circumstances proved to me that I wasn’t ok. I hit my breaking point. I hit the point where I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided that my happiness is worth more than everything and everyone that I am surrounded by. Me staying where I was would make everyone around happy but it would keep me caged in a place where I couldn’t breathe. Feeling like I couldn’t be free to be myself because I had to make sure I was a part of the culture of my circle of influence.  I mean, don’t get me wrong I was happy but I was not the happiest. I had a false sense of identity because I was being molded into my surroundings. I knew my environment needed to change and that I needed to get out. God gave me a way out but it wasn’t easy. I’m sure I left many people confused, hurt, rejected, dumbfounded. Yet I became free. I could breathe again. It was just me , myself, I and God. I drew closer to Jesus than ever before and I did not know that I would have to LOSE everything to GAIN everything. God filled me in an emptiness that I did not know I had. I may not have friends like I used to, a church home just yet, or whatever else that I used to have but you know what..I am HAPPIER now than I’ve ever been. I have found my identity and I know who I am. People deserve the happy version of me. People deserve the real me. I deserve the happy me. I deserve to be myself and not being afraid of it. I deserve to be free and not feel like I’ll be judged for every word that comes out of my mouth. I deserve to push myself harder and grow as a woman. I deserve to be the person that I always dreamed of being and that girl is not who I used to be. She was just a glimpse of what could be. And what God will do next will be bigger, better, grander than anything He has ever done in my life thus far. I am ready, prepared and excited for it. So bring it on. This happier version of me can and will get through anything because I know Jesus. I really know Jesus and know him well. More than I used to know.